The opposite of addiction is…what’s your initial reaction here?
In many circles, the opposite of addiction is widely considered to be….Connection.
e.g. When an individual’s needs are met, they’re connecting with others to help them in work, love, housing, family life, etc, when basics in life are fulfilled, like living situation, food to eat, family to love, etc – then it becomes much harder to maintain addiction, as there are fewer dysfunctional conclusions being made, or feelings to run away from.
But…there’s much less talk about – how do we get there?
The Missing Piece
Speaking about connection, and getting needs met, and understanding the connection between addiction and connection is great – but how do we make the leap;
FROM
Dysfunctional addict hopelessly caught in a cycle of using alcohol or drugs to cope with the issues of everyday life, then when problems inevitably arise from this abuse, turning back to the coping mechanism again to cope with the fallout…and round and round we go…
TO
Functional, independent human being with self-sustaining work, well adapted living situation, useful interactions with others (non-dependent), healthy relationships and financial sustenance?
The answer is…(are you ready?)
….responsibility.
Quite simply, a huge and yet often unspoken element of the addiction recovery journey is the stark, and unappealing truth of taking responsibility for one’s own life.
Certainly, the principles are there, underpinning most addiction recovery philosophies – 12 steps, SMART, alcohol rehab treatment, etc, all espouse, accepting one’s part in your own addiction, owning up to it, and making up for it, in some way.
Responsibility .v. Fault
But more useful in this context for those us still recovering is, making the distinction between responsibility, and fault.
We’ve come across many who have unsuccessfully attempted to get well from alcoholism, using the dysfunction of the addiction as an excuse. “I can’t attend meetings on time because I’m an alcoholic”.
Or, “It’s not my fault I’m an alcoholic because x, y, z, trauma happened to me”.
Whilst it’s true that trauma does not pick its victims selectively, it is not your (our) *fault* that trauma happened, but it *is* your responsibility to get better from it – it is your life after all, no-one else’s.
i.e. you’re not *to blame* for what happened, but you *are* responsible for overcoming it.
That’s just the nature of life.
And it’s one of the hardest things to accept, especially when active in addiction. Sheeesh, the whole existence of addiction is built around the idea that “I’m not responsible.”
No-One Enters Rehab Or Recovery 100% Willing
And the truth is, no-one really enters alcohol recovery fully – 100% – willing. No-one really enters a journey of getting better, whilst *fully* embracing these concepts. We’re just not at that stage, at that point in time.
It’s enough to accept, only that “I don’t know the answer” and “the answer must lie outside me” since, if it didn’t, I would have already fixed things by now.
Consider those in very long term recovery. The old timers in AA meetings the world over, known to everyone, and always keen to lend a hand.
How did they do it? It wasn’t by blaming others, that’s for sure. It wasn’t by using their alcoholism as an excuse for anything.
It was by a process of acceptance. First of themselves and their behaviours and actions, and second of their responsibility in all of this.
And third, of their own responsibility for all their actions from this moment forward, in sobriety.
So, the doorway to move from addiction toward connection, and a longer term satisfaction with life in recovery, is in fact, embracing responsibility.
Hope it helps.
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